If I influenced the pulpits and pens of Christian pastors and authors, I’d tell them to cease and desist all Christian clichés and speak plainly. Not in “Christian-speak.”

Pardon me, while I “preach to the choir.”

Can we please “can” the overused expressions that substitute for original thinking?

The first time you hear these buzzwords, they work. But after a few Sundays, it’s like “listening to a broken record.”

Take pastor speak.

Disgruntled Christians “backslide.” Happy Christians have an “anointing.” Good behaving Christians are guaranteed “health, wealth and prosperity.” Bad behaving Christians will be “chastised and spanked.”

People who are not Christian are “lost.” And everyone should know that “All you need to do to go to heaven is ask Jesus into your heart.” “Can I get an amen?”

Author speak is equally painful.

Consider these recent excerpts from best-selling Christian books. “Bloom where you are planted.” “What’s God doing in your life?” “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” “It takes more faith to be an atheist than a Christian.” “Your best life now!” “It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship.” “God always answers prayer, sometimes it’s just no.”

What is wrong with “plain ‘ole everyday” English conversation? “Each and every one” of these clichés give me “a healthy dose” of “existential angst.”

And “last but not least” maybe we should “think outside the box” and utilize the “King’s English” like Shakespeare and get to the “bottom line” by inventing new ones.

Here is a list of updated clichés from WIRED:

• Hindsight is always 1080p.
• One #hashtag does not a trending topic make.
• Too many hosts spoil the podcast.
• That’s a hard act to unfollow.
• 140 characters to the wise is sufficient.
• The bandwidth is always greener on the other side of the firewall.
• E-mail, Twitter, and Facebook are three best friends and three worst enemies.
• People who live in glass houses shouldn’t check their address on Google Street View.
• A fool and his passwords are soon parted.
• He’s 10 bits short of a byte.

Question: So “in conclusion,” could you “share a word of testimony” and tell us how “you and Jesus are doing” with your “favorite” cliché?

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