There are times in life when leaving is the only healthy option. To leave is to go away from someone or something temporarily or permanently. So many people stay in abusive relationships (emotional and physical), falsely believing they have no option but to stay. Here are a few things I’ve left, and I am much better for them.
Home: I intuitively knew that my life dreams could not happen in the mountains of North Georgia and Tennessee. My perceptual view (how I viewed the world) could only increase if I left home. It wasn’t easy. It is not an easy thing to leave a life, a home. Yet, almost immediately, as I heeded the call to adventure, my life improved.
Family: I have always been a black sheep, misunderstood, and eccentric. My Mom once told me she did not know how she birthed me. My parents and siblings love me unconditionally, yet I knew I would forever be an outsider when I left our small community. That is just the way things are. They love their small, insular world, and I love a big, cosmopolitan world. And neither of us understands the other, but we love each other just the same.
Career: I realize now that I followed in my dad’s and grandad’s footsteps. They were all ministers. With the benefit of a lifetime of hindsight, another career choice would have suited me better. As an avid reader, listener, and questioner, I would have loved the vocation of writer or journalist. Still, alas, I had no objective mentors. Uncensored reading and honest questioning were taboo in the Evangelical world. Still, as I flaunted the rules (the taboos), the forbidden books and questions led to an exit from my religious career as a very young man.
Again, it was the best thing that could have ever happened. I will never forget that the mega-church pastor’s wife at my last job told her husband, “Randy can leave the ministry because he has many options.” She demeaned her husband, saying, “the ministry is all you’ve got. You are trapped.” I’m afraid I have to disagree with her. There are always other options. Don’t get trapped in a job that does not fit who you are.
Religion: I sincerely believed in every song I led in worship and every word I uttered in the sermon. But as I read uncensored history books and realized the bloody, murderous pattern of religion, I could no longer practice the faith. The medieval doctrines did not add up to real life in today’s world. I cannot describe to you the peace that has permeated my being since I left religion. Yes, the prospect of nothing after death is far better than the uncertainty, fear, and shame of an eternal heaven or hell.
Marriage: A few years later, I realized I needed to leave my three decades of marriage to live my life more freely. I did not know that decision would cost my children and my grandchildren. I underestimated the power of the Evangelical cult. But if I had to do it again, I would make the same decision. Sure, I would like to change the chronology of events, but I would still have left the marriage. Our beliefs, lifestyles, and dreams were categorically opposed. I am reading a book, The Ferryman, by Justin Cronin, and the society has a fifteen-year marriage contract that is renewable by either party. That makes so much more sense than the life sentence mandated in America. My two affairs and divorce, although devastating, were the best things that ever happened to me.
Social Networks: Recently, I read a fascinating article: The Abusive Nature of Media: Are We in a Toxic Relationship? by Bob Hutchins. He says our relationship with digital media is complex. It offers connection, information, and entertainment, but if not managed carefully, it can also mirror the dynamics of an abusive relationship. By recognizing the signs of media abuse and establishing boundaries, we can take control of our interactions, fostering a healthier, more balanced relationship with the digital world. As in any relationship, self-respect and clear boundaries are crucial to preserving mental health. For me, the healthy boundary was leaving all social media. I have not regretted it for a moment.
Florida: As I watch from Spain the horror of Hurricane Helene and the potential devastation of Hurricane Milton tomorrow, I am grateful we chose to leave Florida. I feared climate change would inevitably destroy the fragile coasts and our Dunedin home, which is a significant portion of our investments for the future. Florida Republicans have denied climate change, banned books, rewritten history, denied women the power to decide their future, and forbidden sexual and gender equality. People kill each other at the drop of a hat with the stand-your-ground laws, police and firemen wantonly murder human beings, mass school shootings, and angry people are everywhere in large trucks and jeeps flying Maga flags. For my health, I could not live in an oppressive environment like Florida. And so we sold our home and left.
America: The patriotic propaganda we are force-fed in the institutions of life, family, education, culture, and religion makes us think that America is the greatest country in the world. We have been taught that we have the most outstanding health care, the most minor crime, the most advanced education system, and the happiest people. None of which is true. As I read the uncensored history of my country (a privilege that Republicans have banned from school students in Florida), I learned that America has never been a great country. It is an ideal that has yet to be realized.
The fact that a rapist, sexual predator, narcissist, thief, and traitor could be elected President and could be re-elected, along with the increasing failure of the justice system and law enforcement, was yet another factor that caused me to rethink the value of living in America. And so I left. Again, it was one of the best decisions of my life. Easy? No. But worth it? Yes, a thousand times yes. The peaceful and easy-going lifestyle of Spain, the camaraderie of the people, the low crime rate, the excellent and affordable healthcare, and the open-minded philosophy have been a breath of fresh air to this weary soul. And, of course, there is Europe’s art, cuisine, wine, architecture, history, and enlightened culture.
Finally, there are times when leaving is the only healthy option. Leaving is most definitely always an option whether you are in an unhealthy home, family, career, religion, marriage, social network, state, or country. And for many, leaving can lead to a more healthy life. Sometimes, leaving is going to a better place. Life is not about endurance; it is about enjoyment. Enjoy life.
Also, enjoy my latest all-new watercolor called Body Language.
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