- Unholy Yearnings
My tender and urgent longings as a sensual adolescent soon clashed with the harsh reality of a prudish religious upbringing. And for over forty years, I suppressed my gnawing hungers, my incessant desires, and my carnal fantasies. But a single touch of a friend sent courses of electricity through my being and cast a hot…
- An Easier Way To Be
For the past two decades, I have been learning that it’s all right not to do everything people expect of you. This idea has been positively liberating for me. The way we were raised—the way our institutions raised us, I mean—trained us to think it’s our job to be correct in everything we do. Others’…
- I Survived Hell
As anyone who knows post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) will tell you, days and nights can be unpredictable. It can be the brightest day, in the loveliest place, or the most cozy night, nestled in cotton sheets, and you still feel like your being is sucked dry. I fight a relentless battle with shame, fear, guilt,…
- The Artist as Dionysus
Let us give masculinity back its flowering wand of reciprocal relationship with the natural world.Let us call Dionysus to the gates of our cities and homes.A man who can dance with plants and honor beasts, a man who can be a woman and an androgen and an animal, is more than a gender.He is a…
- Dionysus
Original Graphite Sketch with Watercolor 60 x 46 cm Dionysus, the son of the virgin, bringing the counterpart to bread: wine and the blessings of life’s flowing juices. His blood, the blood of the grape, lightens the burden of our mortal misery. It is his blood we pour out to offer thanks. And through him,…
- What Grabs Your Attention?
In 1817, Robert Owen coined the slogan: Eight Hours’ Work, Eight Hours’ Rest, Eight Hours’ Recreation. However, today, it feels like more and more leisure time is being coerced from us and not enjoyed by us. If paying attention is essential to life, then what (and who) grabs our attention determines who we are. In his book The…
- I Lost A Hero Yesterday: A Tribute
On this messy journey called life, if we are fortunate, there comes a person who changes our lives forever for the better. I remember, as if it were yesterday, in the Spring of 1977 (48 years ago), walking into the office of the Chairman of the Music Department of Lee College in Cleveland, Tennessee. My…
- The Art of Getting Lost
We decided to get lost yesterday. I had read about the art of getting lost on a placard in the Museu d’Història de Barcelona. But I had never purposely gotten lost and wanted to try it. So we took the tram, then the metro to Liceu, and walked through Old Town to El Born, to one…
- Writing and Painting the Hidden Things that People Dare Not Face or Say
Ah, the secrets we keep, the longings and desires we hide. We are afraid to be honest with others (and sometimes, rightly so); tragically, we are scared to be honest with ourselves. If you dare, play a game with me. Look, in your mind, at this photograph. Is it of a nude (or would…
- My Biggest Regret
I regret wasting decades of my life while consuming media: mainstream media like the NYTimes, Axios, Politico, CNN, et al., and social media like Google, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Threads. For some people, these may be good things, but for me, they became an increasingly unhealthy addiction. I firmly believe a porn addiction is far…
- The Greatest Country In The World?
*First, A Note to My Courageous Readers: As we enter 2025, my weekly goal for these writings is to reflect what I feel are the essentials of life: sensuality, curiosity, communion, and freedom. I am grateful to have the freedom to write about things that are important to me, to be free to write in…
- Dead Week
The week between Christmas and New Year’s Day always seems weird. Some people call it “dead week.” In Spain, we call it puente–it is customary that when a holiday falls midweek, you bridge the gap and take the days between as a holiday. Time goes into a warp, neither long nor short. Everything is out of rhythm, out…
- The Books I Loved in 2024
My Top 10 Books of 2024
- Happy Holidays from España
- What I Learned Spending a Day with a Master Chef from Basque Country Spain
Since my retirement at age 48, I have loved cooking, but now that we are here in Spain, it has become one of the supreme joys of my life. The Basque Country in northern Spain is celebrated worldwide for its haute cuisine. The combination of Spanish zest and French elegance is evident in every bite….
- Protected: Too Big for My Britches
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- A Year in Spain (Part Two)
We moved to Spain a year ago today. The most significant difference has been how safe and calm we feel living here. The Spanish have a beautiful word for it: Tranquilo. Three hundred days of sunshine a year and welcoming and joyous people have done wonders for my mood. It turns out I wasn’t depressed….
- A Year in Spain
As of December 7, we have lived in Barcelona for twelve months. To quote a line from a favorite movie, “Inconceivable!” It started in early 2023 with us dreaming, “Oh my, what if we could be like Ernest Hemingway and Martha Gellhorn, Salvador and Gala Dali, Pablo Picasso and Genevieve Laporte? What if we were…
- Guapa
Original Watercolor on Handmade Paper 2024 51 x 38 cm Guapa is the Spanish word for beautiful.
- A Bittersweet Thanksgiving
Spain does not celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a distinctively American experience. It is ironic that last year in America, Gina and I spent Thanksgiving alone at our home in Dunedin. However, Ray, our long-time friend (over three decades), and his partner Alan will be with us this year. We plan to gather around the table…
- What My Two Affairs Taught Me About Infidelity
I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with two women (one married, one divorced), but what I learned from having them warrants discussion—not between their husband and ex and me. However, it might be interesting to hear that side. No, I submit that it would be healthy if this discussion happened between partners…
- My Raw Thoughts A Few Minutes After the 2024 Presidential Election Was Called
Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Disappointment. Hollow vindication. These are a few of the violent emotions that swept over me this morning when the Associated Press confirmed that a psychopathic criminal filled with hatred has been re-elected President of the United States. Surreal. I would never have dreamed this would happen after the traitorous attempted coup and…
My tender and urgent longings as a sensual adolescent soon clashed with the harsh reality of a prudish religious upbringing. And for over forty years, I suppressed my gnawing hungers, my incessant desires, and my carnal fantasies. But a single touch of a friend sent courses of electricity through my being and cast a hot…
For the past two decades, I have been learning that it’s all right not to do everything people expect of you. This idea has been positively liberating for me. The way we were raised—the way our institutions raised us, I mean—trained us to think it’s our job to be correct in everything we do. Others’…
As anyone who knows post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) will tell you, days and nights can be unpredictable. It can be the brightest day, in the loveliest place, or the most cozy night, nestled in cotton sheets, and you still feel like your being is sucked dry. I fight a relentless battle with shame, fear, guilt,…
In 1817, Robert Owen coined the slogan: Eight Hours’ Work, Eight Hours’ Rest, Eight Hours’ Recreation. However, today, it feels like more and more leisure time is being coerced from us and not enjoyed by us. If paying attention is essential to life, then what (and who) grabs our attention determines who we are. In his book The…
On this messy journey called life, if we are fortunate, there comes a person who changes our lives forever for the better. I remember, as if it were yesterday, in the Spring of 1977 (48 years ago), walking into the office of the Chairman of the Music Department of Lee College in Cleveland, Tennessee. My…
We decided to get lost yesterday. I had read about the art of getting lost on a placard in the Museu d’Història de Barcelona. But I had never purposely gotten lost and wanted to try it. So we took the tram, then the metro to Liceu, and walked through Old Town to El Born, to one…
Ah, the secrets we keep, the longings and desires we hide. We are afraid to be honest with others (and sometimes, rightly so); tragically, we are scared to be honest with ourselves. If you dare, play a game with me. Look, in your mind, at this photograph. Is it of a nude (or would…
The week between Christmas and New Year’s Day always seems weird. Some people call it “dead week.” In Spain, we call it puente–it is customary that when a holiday falls midweek, you bridge the gap and take the days between as a holiday. Time goes into a warp, neither long nor short. Everything is out of rhythm, out…
My Top 10 Books of 2024
Since my retirement at age 48, I have loved cooking, but now that we are here in Spain, it has become one of the supreme joys of my life. The Basque Country in northern Spain is celebrated worldwide for its haute cuisine. The combination of Spanish zest and French elegance is evident in every bite….
We moved to Spain a year ago today. The most significant difference has been how safe and calm we feel living here. The Spanish have a beautiful word for it: Tranquilo. Three hundred days of sunshine a year and welcoming and joyous people have done wonders for my mood. It turns out I wasn’t depressed….
As of December 7, we have lived in Barcelona for twelve months. To quote a line from a favorite movie, “Inconceivable!” It started in early 2023 with us dreaming, “Oh my, what if we could be like Ernest Hemingway and Martha Gellhorn, Salvador and Gala Dali, Pablo Picasso and Genevieve Laporte? What if we were…
Spain does not celebrate Thanksgiving. It is a distinctively American experience. It is ironic that last year in America, Gina and I spent Thanksgiving alone at our home in Dunedin. However, Ray, our long-time friend (over three decades), and his partner Alan will be with us this year. We plan to gather around the table…
I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with two women (one married, one divorced), but what I learned from having them warrants discussion—not between their husband and ex and me. However, it might be interesting to hear that side. No, I submit that it would be healthy if this discussion happened between partners…
Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Disappointment. Hollow vindication. These are a few of the violent emotions that swept over me this morning when the Associated Press confirmed that a psychopathic criminal filled with hatred has been re-elected President of the United States. Surreal. I would never have dreamed this would happen after the traitorous attempted coup and…